I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
