I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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