i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
