I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize