he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
