I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
