I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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