bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
