I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
