Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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