fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
