Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
