so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize