Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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