shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
