Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I wish my penis had an off switch
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize