I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
