i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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