There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
