I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Drunk is a universal language darling
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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