boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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