I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
