I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Randomize