I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
