This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
