Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
