Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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