i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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