True but thats because hes a fetus.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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