I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
