Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
