Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Dignity is for republicans.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
