Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
