So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
