I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
