PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize