I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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