sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
