We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Sober January is a disaster.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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