Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
