We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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