Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
