There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
