420 ftw
we made out on top of his cat.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
