I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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