We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
