friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
