She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
