what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize