Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
