We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
