Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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