i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize