Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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