Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
