Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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