Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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