My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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