Where is the hickey?
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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