I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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