i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
