I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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