Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize