I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Randomize
