I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
