I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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