He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize