boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
