Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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