he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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