I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
He felt like a one man threesome
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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