My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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