Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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