I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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