I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
