i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
