May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Randomize
