apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
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