My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
