why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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