it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
