I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
its liver damage thursday
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize