After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
