I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
