That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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