Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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