I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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