I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
