Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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