i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
