Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize