But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize