i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
