Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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