I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
