Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize