We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
