she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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