Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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