so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
