So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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