Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
