I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
