spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
you inspire me to be a worse person
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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