.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
