I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize