Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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