if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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