how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
