1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
