Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
