i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
