Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize